Sep 03

ask yourself the question are you present in a conversation

Published by Claire Moody


Being fully present is a funny question, and if you ask someone who has not done any coaching, they will say ‘yes’ and not think much more about it. So, my question to you is to reflect on what is being fully present?

Think about it, where is your focus when someone is speaking to you? Where are your thoughts and feelings when someone is speaking to you, where are you focused? Have you ever asked yourself and reflected on this from a conversation? Most people will be thinking about their next question in a conversation, and the next question may be from their judgement? Really interesting to observe this. It is essential that you are aware that some of your questions may come from what your own bias and judgements. Have you ever reflected on this after a conversation, I mean really reflected on your patterns? 

I think in any conversation it is essential to be entirely focused on the here and now, have a full awareness of the discussion taking place. It is essential to park any ideas or judgements, just to listen.  Awareness is central to a conversation, it is so much more important that you notice what is happening with your thoughts and feelings in a conversation. We tend in our busy lives live thinking about the next five mins or the past five mins, the past or future is where we spend most of our lives. We never train ourselves to think about the present, we rarely think about the here and now. People are much more aware these days of the here and now. But how many of us practice this, create a new habit. 

It is crucial you have a mindful conversation to separate your thoughts and feelings and what is happening in you. Whether you manage, coach or train it is essential that you listen in a conversation. The way I do this is to sit for a few minutes in silence and notice what is coming up for me. This is by far the best way to start to feel present. Being present in a room is important before a conversation takes place. It is hugely important to build this as a habit before you sit with anyone. 

A very useful exercise to become mindful is something I teach on my coaching skills course, whether it is coaching skills, coaching skills for managers or the master coach course. When I was first introduced to being present I was not sure of it, a little bit sceptical. But after I made it a habit and I started to recognise what the words ‘being present’ meant I embraced it and really got it, but moreover, how important it is and useful to create change for someone in coaching conversation.  

Claire Moody is our head coach at Target Training and you can read more about her here.  She delivers training on coaching for managers courses, and you can read more about these courses here and see dates here



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