Claire Moody

One thing I remember very clearly from my early RAF days is what it feels like when people are waiting for you to do something. There are situations where you don't have the luxury of disappearing for half an hour to think, which a lot of people do, people need something from you. Sometimes that's an answer, sometimes a decision and sometimes simply some clarity about what is happening next.

I think that's something leaders and managers sometimes underestimate. When things become difficult, your team aren't only listening to what you say. They're also taking information from your body language. They will notice if you look worried or whether you appear to be in control. They may question whether you know what you're doing but be afraid to actually ask. You may never hear any of those questions, but that doesn't mean people aren't asking them.

I learned this in a very different environment controlling fast jet aircraft, where situations could change extremely quickly and there were times

One thing controlling fast jet aircraft taught me very quickly was that you simply couldn't treat everything as equally important. There could be several aircraft doing different things, information coming from different places and situations changing extremely quickly. Each aircraft mattered and flight safety was always at the forefront of what we did, but that didn't mean everything needed my attention at exactly the same moment.

You had to understand what mattered now, what could wait, where the greatest risk was and what information you needed to retain while dealing with something else. You also had to remain aware that something could change within seconds and completely alter your priorities. It sounds incredibly obvious when I write it now, but this took a huge amount of training and practice. In the early days, everything could feel important because you hadn't yet developed the experience and judgement to distinguish between what was important and what was genuinely urgent.

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One thing I often think about is how much of my RAF career I probably don't talk about enough when I'm working in leadership, management and coaching.

I spent many years controlling fast jet aircraft. At the time, I certainly wasn't thinking about leadership models, emotional intelligence or coaching. I was doing a job where you had to process information quickly, stay organised, communicate clearly and make decisions, often with very little time to think about them.

You couldn't always wait until you had every piece of information. You had to work with what you knew, understand what mattered at that moment and make a decision. Just as importantly, you had to remain in control of yourself while doing it. This was a process that took a lot of time through training.

All these years later, I find myself working with managers and leaders who are dealing with a completely different environment but, interestingly, some very similar human challenges. There are a lot of patterns that are the same.

Over the years, I have had the privilege of working with some exceptional leaders. Some have worked in the military, others have led large organisations, and many have managed smaller teams where every decision has had a direct impact on the people around them.

If you had asked me earlier in my career what made those leaders successful, I would probably have talked about experience, confidence, technical knowledge and the ability to make decisions. All of those things matter, of course, but the longer I have spent working in leadership development and coaching, the more I have realised they do not tell the whole story.

The best leaders I have worked with were rarely the people who walked into every conversation believing they already had the answer. They were the people who understood how to bring out the knowledge, ideas and capability in those around them.

For me, that is a very different type of leadership, and I believe it is becoming more important than ever especially with the use

One question I hear more than most when I'm working with organisations is, "Why are people resisting the change?"

It might be a new system, a restructure, a different way of working or a completely new direction for the business. Whatever the reason, the conversation often ends up in the same place. Managers become frustrated because they feel they've communicated the changes clearly, while employees are left wondering why nobody asked for their thoughts in the first place.

This happens all the time.

However, over the years I've come to a slightly different conclusion. I don't believe most people resist change, I think they resist uncertainty.

They resist feeling that something has been decided for them rather than with them, there is a huge difference.

I've seen this whether I'm coaching senior leaders, delivering Leadership and Management programmes, running Train the Trainer courses or working with teams going through organisational change. See here our coaching services.

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One thing I think you will agree with me, is that it is really apparent with just how quickly we think we know the answer in a conversation.

It doesn't matter whether I am coaching a senior leader, delivering a Train the Trainer programme, working with a new manager or supporting anyone in any sector I see the same thing.

Someone explains a situation, within seconds, another person has a solution.

We've all done it; I know I have, in fact often.

The strange thing is that we probably haven't really understood the problem before we've started trying to solve it.

That isn't because people don't care, quite the opposite. Most managers genuinely want to help, they want to fix the issue, support the individual and move everyone forward.

The question I think you could ask is -

What if we've solved the wrong problem?

In This Article You Will Learn

In this article we'll explore why curiosity is becoming one of the most valuable leadership skills, how it improves coaching, communication and management,

Have you really noticed how quickly we create a story when we do not have all the information.

Think about it, someone does not respond to an email, so we assume they are ignoring us.

Someone is quiet in a meeting, we assume they are disengaged. Someone questions a decision, we assume they are being difficult. Someone misses a deadline, we assume they do not care.

It happens all the time.

The interesting thing is that we rarely describe these thoughts as assumptions. We begin treating them as facts, and that is where the problem starts.

An assumption can change our tone, our behaviour and the way we approach the next conversation. The other person then notices that change and responds to it. That wonderful Botari box model in full play.

Before long, a relationship can begin to deteriorate because of something that may never have been true in the first place.

Assumptions can be expensive. Not simply in terms of money, but in trust, confidence, performance and workplace relationships.

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One thing that happens in communication is how two people can hear the same words and walk away with two completely different interpretations. People still don’t get this which always makes me smile.

The thing is one person leaves a conversation feeling supported, other leaves feeling criticised.

To go further one person hears a challenge, another hears a lack of trust.

Think about management styles one person believes the manager was being clear and direct, another believes they were being abrupt.

The words may have been the same!

What changed was the filter each person was listening through; we all have them.

They are of course shaped by our experiences, confidence, values, personality, previous relationships, successes, failures and, sometimes, the kind of day we are having.

I think sometimes how you feel is like the weather in the UK, every morning you have no idea what you may be waking up to.

Yet when communication goes wrong in the workplace, we often focus entirely on the words

There is one thing I have found myself saying more and more over the last few years.

It doesn't matter whether I'm delivering Leadership and Management, Train the Trainer, Coaching Skills or working one-to-on on all levels.

Every conversation comes back to people, it always does from every angle.

It’s not systems or policies. To add to that qualifications are never a thing it is always people.

When I reflect on my own career, from the RAF through to Target Training Associates, see our website. I realise that almost everything I've ever done has been about helping people understand themselves and, perhaps more importantly, understand other people. All under different labels which makes me smile.

Yet I find it fascinating that whilst organisations invest huge amounts of time developing technical knowledge, leadership skills and professional qualifications, very little time is spent helping people genuinely understand human behaviour.

For me, that's where the biggest opportunity sits.

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We spend a huge amount of time developing people's skills, if you follow my blogs you will hear the same theme jumping out.

We send managers on courses, encourage people to gain qualifications, complete online learning and now, with AI, knowledge has never been easier to access.

All of that is important.

However, I sometimes wonder if we are putting too much emphasis on skills and not enough on judgement.

Over the years, I have worked with managers, leaders, trainers and coaches from a wide range of backgrounds. What I am very aware of is that two people can have exactly the same qualifications, attend the same training and have similar levels of experience, yet respond completely differently when faced with the same situation.

One person remains calm, asks good questions and makes a balanced decision.

The other reacts quickly, follows a process and hopes for the best.

The difference isn't usually knowledge, it's judgement. Obviously, there is a lot more to this, our wonderful brain and